CIM Cullen Instant Messaging
by SarcasmicLoser
Summary: This is a product of my boredom, see what happens when the cullens discover instant messaging?
1. The Talk

**This is a product of my boredom. I was forced to get off the computer so I decided to write this. Tell me what you think =]**

**ICanFeelTheLove- Jasper**

**WithTheVampiresOfCourse (WTVOC) - Bella**

**BellasVampi- Edward**

**TooHotToTouch- Jacob**

**TeamJacob- Renesmee**

**ShoesOMGShoes- Alice**

**SexyGrizzly- Emmett**

**BlondRosalieBlond- Rosalie**

**DaddyC- Carlisle**

**MyKidsAreCrazy- Esme**

**WithTheVampiresOfCourse has logged on**

**BellasVampi has logged on**

**SexyGrizzly has logged on**

**WTVOV:** Hey Edward

**BellasVampi:** hello love =]

**SexyGrizzly:** what's a vampire got to do to get some love around here?

**WTVOC:** Emmett you know I love you 3

**SexyGrizzly:** thanx bells *coughs* Edward *coughs*

**BellasVampi:** *rolls eyes* Emmett you know I love you like a brother

**SexyGrizzly:** aww guys you're making me blush

**WTVOC:** Emmett you can't blush

**SexyGrizzly:** I can dream can't I?

**BellasVampi: **actually no Emmett you can't. We can't sleep remember?

**SexyGrizzly:** You guys are no fun at all.

**BellasVampi:** that's not what Bella said last night ;)

**WTVOC: ** Edward!!! *if were human would be blushing tomato red*

**TeamJacob has logged on**

**TeamJacob:** Eww mom, dad that's disgusting xP

**SexyGrizzly: **that's how you were made Nessie

**TeamJacob:** *gasps and blocks out mental pictures* la la la I can't hear you.

**BellasVampi:** Bella I think it's time we had the talk with Nessie.

**SexyGrizzly:** *looks at invisible watch* OMR look at the time, it's past my bedtime.

**WTVOC:** Emmett it's three in the afternoon and you don't sleep.

**SexyGrizzly: **What's that Rosalie? You want me to come to you? G2G.

**SexyGrizzly has logged off**

**TeamJacob:** we can't have this talk; I'm only six years old.

**WTVOC:** You are mentally and physically 18 years old. We are having this talk.

**TeamJacob:** I think I hear Jacob calling me.

**TeamJacob has logged off**

**BellasVampi: **oh well what do you want to do now?

**WTVOC:** oh I have a couple of ideas *says seductively*

**BellasVampi: **I think I'm thinking what you're thinking.

**WTVOC:** you wanna play Monopoly too!

**BellasVampi:** MONOPOLY!?!

**WTVOC:** just kidding; meet you in the cottage.

**BellasVampi: **Bella we are both in the cottage.

**WTVOC:** oh, *jumps on Edward and rips off clothes*

**A/N: so what did you think. Review and tell me. Please don't be lazy.**


	2. Varsity Fanclub?

**Hey I'm glad some people actually read my story!!!! This chappie goes put to tinuu92 and typer2131 my first reviewers who did the right thing and REVIEWED. =] thanx.**

**Now on with it!!!!**

**WTVOC has logged on**

**BellasVampi has logged on**

**ICanFeelTheLove has logged on**

**ShoesOMGShoes has logged on**

**WTVOC:** OMFE I'm going crazy here

**ICanFeelTheLove:** AHHHHH. Emotion. Too. Much. What is her problem?

**ShoesOMGShoes:** Emmett dared Bella and Edward not to have sex for two weeks.

**BellasVampi:** it's horrible!!!!!!!

**WTVOC:** need to distract self *runs into room and finds closest CD. Puts it in stereo and blasts volume*

**ShoesOMGShoes:** Bella? Varsity Fanclub? Seriously!!!

**WTVOC:** do not diss VFC. They r awesome and totally smexi. Especially Thomas I would so do him!

**BellasVampi:** Bella did you forget that I was here?! *thinks evil thoughts about Thomas*

**WTVOC:** Edward you know that I would throw you on the floor right now and do you but because of the bet I can't.

**BellasVampi:** Bella you know that there are other things we could do without going all the way.

**WTVOC has logged off**

**BellasVampi has logged off.**

**ICanFeelTheLove:** Alice their emotions are driving me crazy!

**ShoesOMGShoes:** its okay jazzy, I know what will make you feel better.

**ICanFeelTheLove:** what?

**ShoesOMGShoes:** SHOPPING!!!!

**ICanFeelTheLove:** *runs away and hides in top secret place*

**ShoesOMGShoes:** come out, come out wherever you are. I will find you Jasper!

**~An Hour Later~**

**WTVOC has logged on**

**BellasVampi has logged on**

**WTVOC:** *walks in with big goofy grin on face* I feel better now.

**ShoesOMGShoes:** I bet you do. What exactly did you guys do?

**BellasVampi:** we made sugarless lemonade *wiggles eyebrows suggestively*

**SexyGrizzly has logged on. **

**SexyGrizzly:** but you guys don't drink human drinks.

**ShoesOMGShoes:** you dumbass just think about it and wait till it comes to you.

**~Three Days Later~**

**SexyGrizzly:** oh! I get it now.

**WTVOC: **took you long enough.

**BellasVampi:** oh my god I thought I was going to scream.

**ShoesOMGShoes:** Finally

**SexyGrizzly:** gosh you guys are mean.

**WTVOC:** no sex messes with your better judgments.

**ICanFeelTheLove:** AHHHHHHHHH *runs around insanely*

**BellasVampi:** he's finally cracked

**ShoesOMGShoes:** jazzy please calm down

**ICanFeelTheLove:** *gets on hands and knees in front of Bella* please, please, please, have sex with Edward.

**SexyGrizzly:** they have to obey the dare

**ICanFeelTheLove:** *gives deathly glares to Emmett*

**SexyGrizzly:** *cowers in corner* I take back the dare.

**BellasVampi: ***runs over to Bella and picks her up bridal style and runs into bedroom*

**ICanFeelTheLove:** *sighs* finally!

**WTVOC:** *straddles Edward's lap and rips off pants. Grabs waist band of underwear and—

**ShoesOMGShoes:** BELLA, EDWARD, LOG OFF!!!!!!!

**BellasVampi: **sorry guys.

**WTVOC has logged off**

**BellasVampi has logged off**

**ICanFeelTheLove:** thank goodness, I thought I was going to break something

**ShoesOMGShoes:** it's all better now Jazzy

**SexyGrizzly:** whatever, I'm going to go see if rose wants to make lemonade

**SexyGrizzly has logged off**

**ShoesOMGShoes: **Jazzy lets go shopping now!

**ICanFeelTheLove:** FINE!

**ShoesOMGShoes has logged off**

**ICanFeelTheLove has logged off**

**A/N: so what did you guys think? If you guys don't know who Varsity Fanclub is you have to youtube them. Look for their song 'future love'. REVIES PLZ!**


	3. AN: IMPORTANT

Hey guys this is not a new story it's just an important note.

I want to start a new story but I need someone to help me with it. This story is not for the weak minded. There is going to be a whole bunch of sex a dirty words.

Summary: Bella is a well known porn star. She gets hired for a new job with the irresistible Edward Cullen. She does the scene and doesn't think anything special is going to happen but she feels sparks. She ignores those feelings and Edward and Bella both go their separate ways. Bella stops working for a couple months (**for a reason I am not sure of yet)** and finds out that she's pregnant. Edward was the last person she slept with.

I haven't figured out the rest yet. So tell me what you think, and tell me if you're interested in helping me co-write the story. We could toss around a couple of ideas.

My e-mail address is message me if you want to be a part of it and if you guys don't like the idea tell me and I won't write it.


	4. THE BIRDS!

**A/N: hey guys. Here is the much awaited chappie 3. **

…

**WTVOC has logged on**

**SexyGrizzly has logged on**

**BellasVampi has logged on**

**ICanFeelTheLove has logged on**

…

**SexyGrizzly:** guys you have to help me they're all out to get me.

**WTVOC:** who's out to get you Emmett?

**SexyGrizzly: **THE BIRDS!!!

**BellasVampi: **ha ha ha ha ha

**WTVOC:** no honey, its ROTFL or LMAO

**BellasVampi: **okay love, ROTFLMAO =]

**ICanFeelTheLove: **nice one *bumps fists with Edward*

**SexyGrizzly:** back to me guys, I was coming home from hunting when three birds started chasing me and saying 'stay off our land, stay off our land'

**WTVOC: **Emmett if birds can talk then my name isn't Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen

**SexyGrizzly: **SWAN!!! You're working with them! *throws lamp at Bella*

**WTVOC: **I'm not working with any birds

**SexyGrizzly:** Liar! *throws chair at Bella*

**BellasVampi:** Emmett stop throwing furniture at my wife!

**ICanFeelTheLove: **Emmett watch out there's a pigeon behind you!

**SexyGrizzly: **AHHHHHH!!!!

**SexyGrizzly has logged off**

**BellasVampi:** that boy is mentally challenged

**ICanFeelTheLove: **god, all you guy's crazy emotions make me want to be emo

**WTVOC:** then why don't you?

**ICanFeelTheLove:** because every time I try to cut myself the razor breaks

**WTVOC: **uh huh, uh huh *writes down on imaginary clipboard* what do you do to make yourself feel better?

**ICanFeelTheLove: **I write songs that express my feelings and play them on my guitar

**WTVOC:** by golly I've figured it out. Edward do you see it?

**BellasVampi:** OMB! I see it. It's so obvious now.

**ICanFeelTheLove:** what? What do you guys see?

**WTVOC:** Jasper… you're gay.

**ICanFeelTheLove:** what the f**k, I am not gay

**BellasVampi: **but you are all the signs point to it

**ICanFeelTheLove:** what friggen signs?

**WTVOC:** the signs that point to your gayness

**ICanFeelTheLove:** I'M NOT GAY!!!

**BellasVampi: **Jasper it's nothing to be ashamed of

**WTVOC:** when was the last time you were intimate with Alice?

**ICanFeelTheLove:** that's none of your business

**BellasVampi:** he's trying to think back, it was a long time

**ICanFeelTheLove:** get out of my head!

**TeamJacob has logged on**

**TeamJacob:** mom, dad, why is Uncle Emmett running around the yard with a turkey baster?

**WTVOC** *falls on floor laughing*

**BellasVampi:** Nessie, Uncle Emmett thinks that the birds are trying to kill him. Which is stupid because he eats grizzly bears for breakfast and is afraid of a tiny bird *rolls eyes*

**WTVOC:** *gets back in chair* okay we have more important things to talk about than Emmett's stupidness.

**TeamJacob:** like what?

**WTVOC:** Jasper's gayness

**ICanFeelTheLove:** I'm not *bleepin* gay. Shut the *bleep* up, and you can all go *bleep* yourselves.

**WTVOC:** *gasp*

**BellasVampi:** Jasper please refrain from using such language when there is a child present

**TeamJacob:** dad, I am not a child, you guys said that I am technically eighteen now.

**WTVOC:** so you agree now?

**TeamJacob: **yeah

**WTVOC:** okay, now Renesmee, when a man and a woman love each other very much they start to get these feelings…

**TeamJacob:** I'm coming Jacob

**TeamJacob has logged off**

**BellasVampi:** what happens when Bella and Edward love each other very much?

**WTVOC:** well Edward starts to kiss Bella, then his hands go up her shirt and—

**ICanFeelTheLove:** I'm still here guys!!

**BellasVampi:** sorry Jazz, I thought you were trying to figure out how to tell Alice that you were switching teams *hint, hint, wink, wink*

**ICanFeelTheLove:** that's it!!

**ICanFeelTheLove has logged off**

**WTVOC:** I wonder where he went.

**BellasVampi:** he's probably going to write some moody song on his guitar

**WTVOV: **lol

**BellasVampi:** did you see how he got all defensive?

**WTVOC:** Edward if anyone is gay it's you. You spend all your time playing your piano, and you just lost your virginity recently while Jasper lost his a long time ago

**BellasVampi:** *looks hurt* Bella how could you say that?

**WTVOC:** *pushes Jasper away from the computer* honey it was Jasper typing not me. I love your piano playing and I love how we lost our virginity together.

**BellasVampi:** I'm going to kill Jasper

**BellasVampi has logged off**

**WTVOC:** well I'm going to go see what Alice is doing

**WTVOC has logged off**

**A/N: hey guys sorry about the delay. Okay here's the deal I want to reach 20 reviews before I post the next chapter and I've already finished it.**


	5. IMPORTANT NOTE ON UPDATING

Hey guys I'm really sorry I haven't published anything in a while and the reason is because the internet at my house id down and I'm really sad. My story and new chapters are on my computer at home. I'm working on getting one of those things where you download your files and upload them on a diff computer. Until then I'm working on it. I'm really sorry for the inconvenience. Plz don't hate me. And plz go read my friend Jasper's Real Wife story it's funny and some of the ideas are mine. =)


	6. WHY ARE YOU YELLING?

Hey Guys it's me. I know I don't update often on here or Broken Wings. Well here is a really tiny chapter that I can not take credit for but wanted to post it anyway

**ICanFeelTheLove has logged on**

**WTVOC has logged on**

**ICanFeelTheLove: **HEY BELLA HOW ARE YOU?!

**WTVOC:** Hey Jazz, why are you shouting?

**ICanFeelTheLove:** CUZ I FEEL LIKE IT!!!

**WTVOC: **k

**WTVOC has locked off**

**Hey guys I was wondering if anyone could do me a huge favor and make a banner for me for my other story In The Life of a Pornstar? I would be sooooooo greatful.**


End file.
